Formal Declaration[]
The Crisis[]
On March 30th, quite unexpectedly, a Prussian by the name of Pinetree_North murdered an Honest Farmer by name of Fire1052. Naturally, this incident prompted outrage on part of the victims; the Honest Farmers had no quarrel with the Prussians and had lost inventory from the unlawful attack. Pinetree said little in his defense; he claimed he thought Fire1052 was not in a faction and therefore killing him was not illegal; both of these proved to be wrong.
Instantly, the crisis devolved into a flurry of negotiations. The SRHF and Prussians quickly began to bridge the breach; the Prussian officer online agreed to each of the SRHF's demands, including an apology, a case against Pinetree, and the safe return of Fire's inventory. To this end, the CCCK, keen on keeping the server peaceful and handling the crisis through negotiation, made arrangements with a Prussian by name of TrapdoorGranny who took the initiative in making the journey to a CCCK-held property to return the goods.
After the long time associated with cross-map travelling, Trapdoor showed up to the CCCK's mountain stronghold. The CCCK, equally as wary of their allies as the Prussians, ensured both sides were physically isolated during the exchange to avoid any undue retribution. It soon became clear, however, that the Prussians were in no mood to negotiate. Trapdoor's delivery proved to be missing several goods. Prussian leadership went back on their promise to issue a formal apology, more distracted by 'ugly cobblestone walls' in their base than the powderkeg fixing to explode. Pinetree faced a mere slap on the wrist, being back on Prussian rosters in mere hours.*
All of this represented an astonishing diplomatic blow to the SRHF on part of the Prussians. Their flimsy attempts at half-reconciliation seemed to stem from the arrogance they held in their numerical advantage. The CCCK, at first very cautious at the idea of war, felt themselves compelled to support their allies in the wake of this thoughtless desecration of international norms and justice.
- three days
Preparation for Conflict[]
Given the massive size of Prussia and their connections to very powerful allies in Armok and Winterhold, the prospect of war represented a daunting leviathan of a task. Discussions between the CCCK and the SRHF, whose courage in the face of combat against a teutonic horde was nothing less than awe inspiring, brought about a multi-tiered plan to break the back of the supermassive warmonger.
First, a massive ramping up of military-industrial capacity took place. Over the course of a few days, the SRHF had accrued an impressive stockpile of arms, armor, restorative items, and even a WMD. The CCCK, though briefly stalled by conflict with an aggressive neighbor, managed to build up a similar stockpile to support their ally.
Second, Prussia had to be pried from the arms of their allies, both of which were large and established factions. Here the CCCK shined, forming bonds with Armok around their mutual respect for freedom of religion, especially in the face of loud, aggressively theocratic factions. Winterhold, Prussia's neighbor, was also swayed by the long history and experience present in the SRHF and CCCK. Imperceptibly to the sleeping giant, Prussia's friends prepared to look the other way during the coming slaughter.
Finally, a plan of attack had to be created. Winterhold provided more and more help on this front as they found themselves more and more compelled to support the socialists. To this end, they provided an easy path into Prussia through a railway connecting the two factions. A date and time were set, the armies organized, and the firm triiumvarate of the SRHF, CCCK, and Winterhold factions were poised to rain justice on the Prussians.
Slaughter and bombing[]
| Coalition | Prussia | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| SRHF (5) | CCCK (4) | Winterhold (3) | Prussia (10+) |
|
Mangofart Fire1052 Ddadams HappyMerchant Retard_magnet (abroad,did not participate)
|
LtColButler Lemonalogy Maciek2045 Vladamirlenin |
Tyrofwar Soren891 ButtOut (largely inactive) |
Com_reb Bobwarlord SSredit Kitta666 AngryCzechFaggot Red_Dragon Pinetree_North Mincedshamu Ikoten/totc (abroad,did not participate) Several others (logged off without a fight) |
| Results (Clear Coalition Victory) | |||
| Enemy defeated, valuables attained, total penetration of defences achieved. Fire's long lost inventory restored, cassus belli vindicated, diplomatic insult and breach of international norms paid for in blood. | Capital demolished, members slain or forced to flee/abstain from combat. Power greatly reduced, faction stocks looted. | ||
On April 4th, the Allied front struck. The declaration was posted as the joint army commenced mobilization: The SRHF met up with Winterhold to attack via the metro system while the CCCK moved in through their open nether portal. Minutes after midnight, the pincer closed: All Prussians present in their capital were chased down and slaughtered. Com_Reb, notably, proceeded to leave Prussia, becoming the first deserter from the black and white banner.Those abroad could do little more than sit in the wilderness and watch the kills pile up over the public chat. Bobwarlord proceeded to log in several times without using Authme, unable to muster the testicular fortitude to enter the fight. Prussia ran red with the blood of the Germanics. Despite this, the vast population of Prussia left them invulnerable to capture.
At this point, the Honest Farmers readied their WMD. In a constant state of regeneration, the Honest Farmers, Tyr of Winterhold, and the CCCK proceeded to lead the monster about the city, destroying anything they managed to string the wither through. The forest surrounding the city was torched whilst those not aggroing the wither entertained themselves by leading creepers into Prussia's bars, gates, libraries, and fields. The destruction continued long into the night until lag (believed to be Prussian DDoSing), lack of potions, and boredom led the coalition to abandon their destruction.
Final Destruction and Dissolution[]
The following day, the SRHF made another strike on the Prussians before they could regroup for a counter-offencive. Non-officers faced Honest Farmer blades until they capitulated and left the Prussian faction. Refugees from this shoah formed the NFBP to coalesce whatever power remained in Prussia's underclasses and lick their wounds. The violence eventually reached the Kaiser himself; he was run through more violently and often than the loosest of Prussian broads, conceding to demands to renounce Prussian imperialism yet still refusing to apologize for the murder of Fire. At this point, the slaughter and abandonment of Prussia made their yet unclaimable motherland succeptible to capture.
Com_Reb, in a strange resurgence of patriotism, rejoined Prussia only to be trapped underground in an obsidian vault by the Honest Farmers. The Kaiser, too, met this fate. Trapped in the earth that no longer belonged to him, SSRedit was forced to make the humiliating decision to disband Prussia in order to teleport from his cell, signifying the absolute destruction of the Prussian faction.
Aftermath and Lessons[]
Following the defeat of Prussia, the world paradigm had shifted away from the hegemony Prussia's numerical and diplomatic advantages provided. At least for a time, the victorious coalition could breathe easy and feel a degree of confidence in their place in the world ranking. This feeling proved to be short lived, as other violence disrupted the eerie calm of a server no longer under Prussia's thumb. The SRHF would fight future wars for similarly anti-imperialist reasons. The CCCK lapsed into a pleasant calm brought on by the perceived height of Pax Solaris, a golden age in the CCCK's history.
Similarly, many other factions felt a great sluggishness arising from the vicious lag the server experienced in the aftermath of the Second Great Shambles War. Kenneyth, unable to access packets addressed to the server due to beastnode jewery, was unable to pinpoint the culprit, though bobwarlord, absent following the war, was rumored to be a likely candidate. SSredit, left homeless and powerless, was taken in by Dacia, presumably as another soldier in an ongoing campaign for 'vengance' against the defeat they suffered from the CCCK.
The defeat of the Prussian faction represented a stunning and valiant effort by a determined minority against an overconfident and oversized enemy. Questions of international norms and justice following the lack of accountability Prussia accepted for their member's actions, the acceptability of hegemonic authority in foreign relations, and even, some would claim, a stark evaluation on the attractiveness of being a citizen of an unaccountable, autocratic faction began to sink into the hearts and minds of the peoples of /pol/and.
Though the server was reset shortly after the war's end, these questions shall continue to be a large part of /pol/craft's history and culture; the echoes from the explosions of the Second Great Shambles War will ring on in the actions of future generations of /pol/craft players.
War Journalism[]
![[Renovations in progress]](/wiki/File:2014-04-04_02.53.09.png "2014-04-04 02.53.09.png (104 KB)")
Trivia[]
- The name "The Second Great Shambles War" originates from a previous war, dubbed "Great Shambles War," in which a similarly oversized SPQR was defeated by join SRHF and CCCK action.
- "Shambles" or "What a complete shambles!" is a term or phrase used by British Prime Minister David Cameron in regards to clusterfucks. Its most emphatic usage was during Question time on CSPAN at about 15:50 in the link provided.