The Battle of Caen

Prologue:

On the night of June 24, 2014, the Socialist Republic of Honest Farmers and Innawoods declared war on Normandy. They cited the Norman advertisement of SRHF coordinates in the public chat and faction description as an unnacceptable act of diplomatic aggression. Apparently, some newfag called Flaccid_Rendered spawned in the SRHF base, where he learned their coordinates. The Normans took him into their faction and gleefully spread this information to the server.

It can be surmised that the release of said coordinates was retaliation for the SRHF destruction of Normandy on the previous server. The destruction of Old Normandy is Politicraft's equivalent to the beheading of Ned Stark, in that it spurred the Norman desire for revenge and nurtured it within their collective psyche. And like Game of Thrones, nobody wins and all of the characters die.

The stage was set after the SRHF declaration of war was posted on the Wikia. The Norman city of Caen immediatley prepared for a defensive struggle. What few members happened to be online at the time battened down the hatches, so to speak. Normandy's defenses were impressive: A strong wall, and a near-impregnable fortress-tower. The chapters that follow are the eyewitness account of Konig SSredit of Prussia, who was able to observe the battle from the Norman sky-bridge that crosses the English Channel.

Chapter 1: The Calm Before the Storm

Several minutes after the one-hour post-declaration grace period had ended, the tension was palpable. Inquireies were made to the Normans about their response to the declaration of war. Norman leader Gohlper was adament that Normandy would stand and fight against those who would attack them. He would not evacuate Caen of its population and resources. He would not beg for mercy. Indeed, he would not submit to the historical military dominance that shrouds SRHF and her allies. The SRHF General Mangofart insinuated that an attack was not imminent, and that the invasion could occur any time during the week. Of course, nobody believed him. And indeed, the public chat was soon filled with Norman casualties, as SRHF and Innawoods members used enderpearls to scale the walls and overwhelm the first line of defenders.

After the initial Blitzkrieg, the small Norman garrison who was online at the time (numbering only 4 members), retreated to their fortified Battle-tower to regroup. The Battle-tower was an architectural marvel of engineering, and provided the Normans a haven that the attackers could not quickly breach. There was no easy way to infltrate it, and so for a time, a stalemate emerged. SRHF and Innawoods explored the terrain and exterior defenses, looking for weaknesses while the Normans were trapped in their midst. It was during this calm before the storm that Konig SSredit and his trusty officer kohcile travelled across Europe in order to document the inevitable Happening. While passing through the burned-out ruins of Old Germany, the server was alerted to the unleashing of a Wither of Mass Destruction via a blood-curdling shriek.

Chapter 2: It's HAPPENING!

When the Wither of Doom was released, PTSD was triggerd amongst all past victims of Total War. Konig Sredit soon arrived at Normandy, and perched himself upon the Channel Skybridge North of Caen, giving unprecedented coverage of the battlefield. As a war journalist on the frontlines of battle, he bravely dodged arrows occasionally shot in his direction by trigger-happy defenders and attackers alike.

The Wither soon breached Caen's exterior wall, and the attackers led it through the town with a wreckless abandon for its impact on World Heritage Sites. Perhaps SRHF believed that this would draw the Normans out, but only the Gods can tell if this was their true design. One recalls with sadness the Fall of Prussia on the First Server; even after all fortifications were shattered and no defenders remained, all of Prussia's buildings were reduced to rubble out of spite for the Kaiser's unflappable stubborness. In any case, the Normans were not baited, and still posessed unprecedented amounts of Power on account of their 18 members.

SRHF and Innawoods, eager to uphold their aura of military dominance, were forced to commit to seige tactics in order to pry the Normans from their tower. The Normans unwisely had not claimed enough land beyond the edge of their wall, and so the attackers were able to construct a tall TNT cannon relatively close to the tower's top. They additionally constructed a sky-bunker above their cannon, and exchanged flaming arrows with the defenders. During this time, soldiers from both sides were shot or burned to death.



When the TNT cannon finally blew significant holes in the tower, the attackers used enderpearls to fling themselves into combat. Many had terrible accuracy and fell to the ground. However, Mangofart was able to lead a small band into the Heart of the defenders, and for a time, it seemed as if SRHF had won. The public chat was filled with Norman casualties as they were spawn-camped by Mangofart.

However, during the battle, Scout_Named_Ted came online, and seems to have presided over a massive re-armament and support scheme. The Normans were miraculously re-equipped with powerful armour and weapons, and fended off the SRHF. Norman Ironmaiden666, who had for most of the war committed himself to suicide tactics by jumping repeatedly onto the TNT canon's bunker, somehow managed to kill Mangofart in the counter-attack. This unbelievable moral victory represented Mangofart's second death during war on the server (his first death at the hands of now-banned AdmiralBubbles). With SRHF and Innawoods pushed back and humiliated, the Normans were reinvigorated, and resumed their exchange of arrows with the attackers in the TNT cannon bunker.

Chapter 3: War Crimes

With resources running low on both sides, the war began to wind down. The wither continued to destroy Caen, and in the lull of offensive actions, TrapdoorGranny proceeded to kill the race-mixing sheep located in Normandy's livestock area. He joked about raping them and other unspeakable crimes against the animal Kingdom.

During the battle, both factions had lost a great deal of power. However, Normandy had twice as much power to spare. Despite suffering fewer losses, SRHF was now at risk of being raided. Since their coordinates had been released to the server, basically everyone knew where their base was located. Considering nearly every old faction on the server has been destroyed at one point or another by the SRHF, many individuals have latent desires to see them suffer. Scout_Named_Ted, an important Norman figure, had also been conspicuously absent from the entire battle thus far. Rumours began circulating that revenge-minded saboteurs could use this opportunity to claim SRHF land. Continued hostilities therefore further risked SRHF resources, and indeed military defeat.

Realizing this weakness, Normandy called for the surrender of SRHF. While Mangofart admitted that both factions had lost considerable resources, he would not suffer the indignity of defeat. However, he was willing to offer a ceasefire, to which the Normans immediately refused.



-SSredit